


Moving On

by WauryD



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Feelings, Feels, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 05:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9306797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WauryD/pseuds/WauryD
Summary: They say time heals everything, but little can be done when you can't stop holding on.Disclaimer: I cried writing this, so... you're warned.





	

She awoke with Jaime in her bed on a clear, blue morning. There had been a party the night before, and he looked at her sheepishly, disheveled and stupidly handsome in the morning light. “Hey,” he grinned. “Sorry about making a mess last night.”

Brienne was used to him being an idiot, and she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. Lying on her back, she studied the ceiling tiles she knew by heart, while he observed her in silence. She knew what was coming, and none of it was going to be pleasant.

“Bri,” he started softly, waiting for her to turn and look at him. It took her a great deal of time to find the strength to do it, meeting his hopeful green eyes at last. “Hey,” he said again, “I was just... I need to tell you something.”

“You don’t, Jaime,” she protested, knowing it couldn’t stop him.

“I really do. You’ve been... one of the few good things in my life, Bri. You’re amazing. You’re...” She turned back to her silent contemplation, definitely not in the mood for it. “Brienne,” his voice was pleading now.

She didn’t react.

“Brienne, I’m in love with you.”

Shutting her eyes as tightly as she could, as if that would help her escape the jumble of emotions and thoughts that went through her mind, she shook her head slightly, relieved to find that no tears were coming. It would make it easier.

“Jaime, that can’t happen. We’re... friends.”

“We don’t have to stop being friends,” he argued almost cheerfully. “We can be friends and be together. Loras and Renly did it.”

“Loras and Renly were never friends. They pretended to be until they were able to come out as lovers. We... live in two different worlds. It won’t work.” She knew he wouldn’t give up, but also that she couldn’t give in.

“I’m  _ right here _ .” She turned a frown to him.

“You know what I mean.” Pushing the covers aside, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, sitting with her back to him. She felt him shift.

“So you don’t feel the same way.” It was a statement rather than a question, and she steeled her heart for what was to come.

“It has nothing to do with how I feel,” she let out flatly. “I don’t want to deal with everyone staring at me, wondering how the hunk ended up with the ugly monster.”

“Since when do you care what people think of you?” There was a hint of anger in his voice now, and Brienne thought that perhaps it would be a good catalyst.

She shrugged. “I don’t. But what people think of our relationship would affect everything, and I don’t have the patience of the energy to deal with that.”

Jaime stayed quiet for a moment. “You’ve thought it through.” It almost sounded like an accusation. “Meaning you’ve considered it at some point.”

With a sigh, she turned to him, giving him a look that both confirmed his suspicion and announced that there was nothing else to discuss. He looked away after a few seconds.

“...fine,” he conceded with a sorry nod.

Knowing this was only the start, Brienne headed for the comfort of a shower.

 

The following weeks were not quite as hard as she had imagined. They hung out, watching movies, walking through the thawing city, chatting as they had always done. He made a few quips about his declaration, hoping to elicit a change of heart in her, but she remained steadfast.

She knew he never meant it to be that way, but it felt like a weight that she was carrying around. Although it created no conflict, by the time spring decidedly settled in, she had exhausted her reserves.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Her friend Margaery looked at her with concern.

Brienne shrugged tiredly. “I need the rest. To be away from... everything. That cottage is such a nice place. I’m sure it’ll help.”

“It’s so...” The nature of her worry suddenly became clear. “...isolated,” Marge finished.

“Nothing’s going to happen, I promise. You know me better than that.”

The retreat in question was a two-story wooden house by a small river, overflowing with greenery even this early in the season. Jaime stood by her side as she took it in.

“It looks... peaceful.” She only hummed in reply. Their conversations had become a bit one-sided in the past month, although there was still no awkwardness. He’d understood that she was exhausted, and given her a great deal of space, all things considered.

The days went by, quietly, as they both enjoyed the restful atmosphere of both the house and the blooming nature. Eventually, their discussions grew longer, deeper, although she still refused to address his confession.

“We still need to talk about it,” he insisted one night.

“Really, we don’t. There is nothing to say, Jaime.” Brienne had a sorry smile. “Things are good as they are.  _ We _ are good as we are. That is enough.”

She saw that he wanted to argue, and for the first time tears shone in his eyes, but suddenly, she felt his resolve fade. Only slightly, and it would still take some time to ebb away, but there was an end in sight.

Jaime grew more contemplative and less verbal as another week went on in the peacefulness of the cottage, and he didn’t bring up the nature of their relationship again. They reminisced about the more scandalous moments of their friendship, filling the rooms with laughter and happiness. They had done ridiculous things together.

The deck swayed lightly under the branches now plowing under the weight of tender leaves. Brienne started most of her mornings reading on a chair by the water, soothed by the sound of the unending flow and bustling life around her. She didn’t look at him when he came to sit across from her, and he remained silent for long, studying at his hands.

When he finally raised his head, he saw that she had closed her book, and looked at him expectantly. He had a sad smile. “I’m going,” he announced.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly, knowing she had to hold on for just a few more minutes. Her blue eyes were still dry, but she knew it wouldn’t last long.

“Thank you for your friendship,” he offered. “It has meant the world to me. But...” He hesitated, but she nodded again, with an encouraging half-smile. “But I have to move on,” he finished. She couldn’t find her voice, but she knew that he understood.

Rising, he bent over her to place a soft, cool kiss on the top of her head. Walking away, his steps faded in the daylight filtering through the canopy.

Jaime turned around one last time, with a deep breath and an honest smile. “Goodbye, Brienne.”

She waited a few moments, breathless, watching the shadows dance where he had stood, until the breeze caressed the wind-chime next to her. Then she let her grief flood her, and she finally allowed herself to dissolve into the tears she had been holding back for months.

Eventually, she would calm herself down long enough to call Margaery. “He’s gone,” she’d announce, with more relief than she had imagined she would feel. Brienne knew that her friend had remained unconvinced that Jaime’s insisting presence had been anything more than guilt and sadness after his passing, and she had worried that grief might push her to make drastic decisions if she was left to her own devices.

She’d known they had just needed the time to process things, the ones that had happened and the ones that had been left unsaid. The ones that would never be.

The sound of his voice and the scent of his shower gel would be missed for years, she knew, and there would forever be a hollow where his arms used to embrace her. She knew that he would have held on longer, more desperately, if she had said what he wanted to hear that morning, after his car had slipped on traitorous ice. If she had said what she had wanted to say.

But he needed to move on, and so did she. He was at peace, and she would have to navigate her life, without him, in order to find her own.

Brienne looked at the sun dancing through the leaves with a smile, closing her eyes through her tears, and taking a deep breath.

 

“Goodbye, Jaime.”

**Author's Note:**

> I randomly thought of that story when I should have been trying to sleep - it's now 1:11am as I finish posting this - and I cried, so I thought I should share the fictional grief :D
> 
> I guess it didn't help that I finished a drawing of Carrie Fisher, who I'm still very emotional about.
> 
> The premise kind of reminds me of the ending of a Dean Koontz book (and the movie it inspired) - won't say which cause spoiler alert, although that was unintentional. But yeah... feels, especially since you can hear Jaime's goodbye in NCW's voice. :(
> 
> Also I kinda feel that the tags/summary/warning/title give it away, but I think it's still effective? I just didn't want someone reading this without being prepared :3
> 
> Rambling now. Will go sleep.


End file.
